the long and annoying road to baby #1

Here's a recap of the 3-1/2-year journey that Mr. Foxy and I took to get pregnant with Waffle Girl. I do not recommend this course of action to anyone.

• We got married in 2002 when I was 32. I was on the pill at the time, as I had been for many years due to irregular periods and suspected polycystic ovaries (PCO).
• After our 1-year anniversary, I went off the pill.
• 6 months later, Spring '04, I got a referral to a reproductive endocrinologist (RE) and the prodding begins! Our first appointments were pretty standard stuff, but then..

SURPRISE! I have two blocked fallopian tubes!

• Well, I never expected that. The RE gave me two options: a) go straight to in-vitro fertilization (IVF), which would bypass the tubes or, b) get laparoscopic surgery to clear the tubes and then do intra-uterine insemination (IUI).
• Despite being a total science geek, I was reluctant to go to IVF. Instead we opted for choice B. I went in for surgery in Spring '05 and then..

SURPRISE! My tubes weren't really blocked, after all!

• While poking around my abdominal cavity, the RE confirms that the ol' tubes are just fine.
• For the rest of '05 we occupied ourselves with 4 IUIs which of course didn't work. I think IUIs are bunk!
• Finally, I'm mentally ready to try IVF in December '05. I have good insurance and I live in a state where all infertility coverage is mandated. I'm ready.

SURPRISE! I'm on an insurance plan that is administered out-of-state and they don't have to follow the IVF coverage mandate!

• This was the pits. I could change over to another insurance plan that was administered in my home state. But I had to wait 1 FULL YEAR to make the switch!
• Then in early '06 my new insurance plan kicked in and I was referred to a different clinic. At this point I didn't mind the switch and just wanted to get moving again. I took the first available appointment with the least popular, worse bedside-manner RE they had.. let's call him Dr. Snaggletooth.
• Ever the realist, I was prepared to do 2 or 3 IVF cycles. Despite the myth that IVF is the fertility magic bullet, I knew that it wouldn't necessarily work the first time.

SURPRISE! We got lucky on IVF #1.

Yada yada yada.. we have a daughter now.

By the time the girl was weaned in early '09, I was 38 years old. We knew it was crunch time if there were to be any siblings. So I got referred back to Dr. Snaggletooth as soon as possible.

There would be no dillydallying this time. Straight back to IVF.. or so I hoped. Next time I'll tell you just how many ways and just how long an IVF cycle can be delayed.

what's in a name?

"Why 'the infertile breeder'?" you may be wondering.

Let's break it down y'all:

INFERTILE, according to Merriam-Webster -
adjective: not fertile or productive; especially: incapable of or unsuccessful in achieving pregnancy.

BREEDER, according to Urban Dictionary -
1. noun: slang term used by some childfree people for one who has a child.. thinks the sun rises and sets for their child/ren.
2. noun: (offensive) a heterosexual person. Formerly this was an insult used by the gay community; it is now used mostly by straight people in a lighthearted vein to (mistakenly) show that they are down with gays and familiar with the culture.

Put it together and you get the oxymoron that is me. Think "jumbo shrimp" or "airline food".

Mr. Foxy and I are are technically, medically infertile. Yet we have a cheerful little girl stomping around the house. So we're kindof fertile.. with a bunch of medical help, at least. And I can ironically call myself a "breeder", like the aging Gen-X-er that I am, mistakenly thinking that I'm hip to the current street lingo.

Post #2 will describe the 3-1/2 year slog we endured to get pregnant with the girl who wakes up every day demanding waffles.